growling | ic inbox.

So I met Nora.

And had a very intellectual discussion about Han Solo's butt. Yes, I noticed.

[ because clearly that offense is equal to his. ]

Are you really going to be deeply insecure about your wife going to check out Han Solo's butt?

Because let me tell you that every woman has the right to ogle Harrison Ford.

It's in the Constitution.

However, you know what's not in the Constitution?

That is not in the— [ that is also not a real statement, so maybe don't argue it like it is, dumbass. ]

I don't know. Something about not telling your space camp friends that your wife's on-board?

You see? How smart you are?

Really do we need to have a talk on communication, come on.

[She may just be a little cranky that now she knows Josh is getting laid.

And she's still not.]

[ daphne why is it all about getting laid!! ]

No. But she and I might, going by everyone jumping to inform her that they didn't know I was married.

Oh, Josh, that was your ball, and you didn't just drop it, you practically threw it out the window, down the hill, and let it bounce until it got hit by a car.

[Bad news]

You'll notice I didn't say that.

Yes, I noticed. Thanks for that. [ sarcasm. the han solo butt commentary negates that point, just saying. ]

And it's not like I was hitting the singles bars, here. That and the marriage thing was fairly recent, and followed by several months' paid dog vacation.

Be nice, remember, I bite.

[A pause.]

You could have, you know. Hit up singles bars.

So do I.

[ gurl. though his is admittedly more self-deprecating than witty. as for the second part— ]

Never considered it an option.

Sorry, right, big scary werewolf bite, I might get an itchy spot.

[She's just teasing, there's no malice in it]

Well you could have, and she might think you did, considering the only person you told you were married seems to be me.

Of course, why you would tell someone that looks like me you were married and no one-

[WAIT A SECOND]

Josh.

[ swear to god that is not the— well. ]

What?

Did you tell me so I wouldn't hit on you?

No. Maybe? I mean, I told you because you're my friend, but—

[ he's not saying that wasn't remotely a part of it, but it wasn't like he put much thought into the tactic at the time. ]

Maybe?

[She snorts, and then she chuffs]

You mean you don't know?

Look, I know I'm not— I didn't mean anything by it.

[ if you're asking if he's clueless, the answer is absolutely. ]

You're so clueless that it's adorable.

I'll put in a good word when I take her hunting the elusive Han Solo.

[ adorable, perfect. he got that from nora, too. ]

I wouldn't necessarily call him elusive.

[ he's seen his posts on the network. they're very........ loud. ]

No and that's kind of what makes it nice. Just show up in the shuttle bay, get ready to objectify a very attractive man.

Exploring brave new worlds of gender equality, look at you. Just make sure she doesn't try to talk to him, she'll probably ask him if he knows Jar Jar Binks.

Oh no, a fan of the prequels.

Don't worry, I'll make sure all conversation with Han Solo consists only of waving money at him and insisting he take off that little vest number.

I wouldn't say fan so much as less likely to sleep through them.

And if you're going to make this cheap anyway, please at least do it right and get some Star Wars pick-up lines in there.

Would she have made out with Kirk, though?

[Okay, okay]

Yes, fine, okay, I'll make it appropriately geeky when we ask him to use the Force or something.

Probably not. I'm serious, it's a very dire situation.

[ nerd problems. ]

And come on, go with a pun. Lando in my Calrissian? I padawant you, baby? Let's get Hoth and heavy? [ let's be honest, this is the shit he was discussing with his friend when he got turned on that camping trip. although... ] Maybe pass on the Lando one.

How did you manage to bag her, seriously?

[She loves you Josh, but Nora is way out of his league.]

I'm writing these down, just so you know.

voice; second verse a bit like the first

voice;

voice;

voice;

voice;

voice;

voice;

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject