[ he's not sure where to start with this. it really is either the werewolf part or the murder part, and they both suck, though at least the werewolf gives some kind of reasoning for what comes next.
but this was edgeworth's idea, and he's the one who wants clarification. it's strange how much this suddenly feels like a trial; on the other hand, edgeworth's a friend. he wouldn't hesitate to tell him his life story if it'd come about some other way, but doing so now seems like some kind of loss, like a very literal confession of guilt instead of a confession of trust between friends.
so he doesn't start at the beginning. he doesn't start at all, actually. it might be a mistake to give hard details and backpedal from there, because that means excuses instead of explaining how he got from point a to point b. but he'd rather only give what he has to, so- ]
What do you want to know?
GOD SORRY in this thread: reasons Edgeworth has no friends
[He can't really meet Josh's eye. Instead, he stares off into the corner. He hopes that by doing that he looks tough, firm, uncompromising - not nervous, not uneasy, not awkward. But - God - those are the sorts of things he hopes while confronted with a criminal - ]
That's difficult to say. You weren't precisely forthcoming with the details; I'm not even wholly sure what it is I'm supposed to be asking.
[But, after a moment, he cuts to the brutal quick:]
[ josh probably feels more steady than edgeworth right now. because this is his life, accepting responsibility for the choices he's made and not shying away from them. it'd been easy to dodge it here, where nobody knew the first thing about him, but- ]
Yes.
[ he's not elaborating, but he's not flinching away from it. this is probably better in small doses, anyway. which means he pauses a second, lets that sink in, then preempts the next question. his voice is less sure on this one, more ashamed; weirdly incredulous, maybe. ]
[ this is where it gets really messy. for josh, anyway. because there's a very long explanation here, and he could go for that, but instead he goes for the one that's almost laughably simple. he knows it's not really fair to edgeworth, because this isn't the kind of confession he's expecting. he's expecting that josh is a human being, even if he's not a decent one. ]
A werewolf named Douglas.
[ it was the wolf, but it was still him, his weight to carry. he says it slowly, gives each one time to settle before moving on to the next. ]
A young man named Stevie, more vampires than I've bothered to count. [ stevie was a zombie and asked to be killed, of course, but it didn't do anything to lessen the guilt of that visceral memory. ]
And the werewolf who turned me.
Edited (shh) 2013-04-29 01:41 (UTC)
Josh he has seen you going to lilith fair he knows already
[And there is a sudden glance in Josh's direction, sharp - but more about the way in which the news was revealed than in reaction to the news itself. He does keep track of the people who are important to him, even if he'd deny it, and he's not so dull that he hasn't noticed certain circles of people and the things that a percentage of them have in common. Josh might not have been "out," as it were, but when one naturally cleaved to those who were, one began to expect a certain revelation after a certain point.
But that he didn't start with that -
There's just a moment when Edgeworth is meeting Josh's eyes. Then he looks away again, trying to keep that neutrality in his face. The next question is a natural one, even if that had come close to derailing him.]
[ that's not a question he's expecting. maybe he should have, but there's a flash of anger in the realization that edgeworth isn't surprised - that he probably knew. there's also the question, as if it's something he can possibly explain, and that fans the quick, instinctive anger as well; edgeworth has no right to this, to judging him.
but that's not him. it's something else, something that's been living under his skin since that day they confronted the witch, and he tries to ignore it. ]
Because I had to. Because a bunch of vampires threw us in a cage together on the full moon, and if I hadn't he would've torn me apart. Because I made a deal with a witch and brought Stevie back, and he was hurting people and it was my responsibility to stop it.
[ ignoring it doesn't work, obviously, and what starts out as a confident assertion that he's in the right spirals into something more bitter, more defensive. ]
And because Ray was going to kill my wife, and because he made me into this- [ he's moved away from the bureau now, and as soon as he realizes he's lost his composure he catches himself, freezes up. the next part is slightly quieter, but it's somehow sharper. ]
Because even if people are naturally good, monsters aren't. Some of them deserve to be put down.
I measure my successes in the number of <s and >s you end up having to use, actually
[His eyes are fixed unmoving on the ground as he hears all of that. He tries to reserve judgment; he tries to hear all of that impartially. And yet that last statement stays in his ears -
Monsters aren't. Some of them deserve to be -
Isn't that how he lives with himself? Not monsters, but criminals. His responsibility is to see that through. His responsibility is - will be, when he finally sets foot in court - to see them to their deaths. The only difference will be that he'll be acting through the aegis of the state -
But that's all the difference. If you don't act through the aegis of the state, then you're a murderer.
Right?
God, he can't stop thinking about the dead people. The dead pirates. He's supposed to be happy that they're dead. He's -
He's still fighting to think through that; his next statement is listless, automatic, a statement that he doesn't even have to think through so many times has he said it.]
Self-defense isn't murder, and nor is using force in defense of another so long as it is not excessive.
[ it was excessive. it was excessive when he bashed ray's face in with a rock the first time, more so the second; the things he said, the terrifying thrill that came from cutting the wolf's head clean off its shoulders.
he doesn't say any of that, of course, because that's too much. it's none of edgeworth's business. ]
What does your court say about destroying peoples' lives?
[ the anger isn't gone, but it's softer now, turned inwards instead. but the bitterness is there, and that's for edgeworth and his stupid, rigid morals. ]
There are people who are dead because of me. Because of my choices, because of what I am. I turned my own wife into an animal; into a killer.
[ he should probably stop there; he doesn't, of course. he's fed up with all of this talk of right and wrong and the law as if it actually matters. ]
How about disposing of the corpse of a pureblood werewolf? Or hey, I know, resurrecting your best friend. What's the legal procedure for that?
[That penetrates his haze of uncertainty, at least. He lifts his head. He looked mad before; now he just looks sad and tired.]
The court has never been confronted by something like that before, and as such it has not had to come up with an answer to...either of those questions. If it were so confronted, it would adapt.
[ he's actually arguing it. edgeworth's actually standing here in front of him and arguing that the legal system would adapt to werewolves and resurrections, and if it weren't so offensively awful, it would actually be hilarious.
but he just cut himself open in front of edgeworth, and he's getting politics back. there's a moment where it almost tips the wrong way; the anger's an itch at the back of his neck, except it's more than that. it's the wolf, and it's got its own system, its own code; one of pack and family and doing whatever it takes. there's a quick flash of rage in his expression, carefully held in check as he clenches his jaw and forces himself to step back - because he has to do something, and if it's not moving back it's moving forward, and that won't end well.
he doesn't say anything for a moment, just fixes edgeworth with a cold stare; but then he's opening the door and stepping aside, and if the message wasn't clear enough: ]
[It's not even stubbornness that makes him stand there. It's a sort of stupidity. He's just not able to process this, and he needs the time to stand there and think about it and ask more questions. And now Josh is trying to usher him out. So, quietly:]
[ now he's back to incredulous. which is better than angry, at least, but there's a pause while he considers just shoving edgeworth out bodily. he runs a hand over his face in frustration and closes the door - doesn't slam it, thankfully. but it's a controlled sort of calm, which isn't much better.
he doesn't lean back against the wall again, just crosses his arms over his chest and closes his eyes for a second to regain some kind of balance. when he finally looks back at edgeworth, he doesn't look any less pissed off - but he's keeping it in check, so there's that. ]
Fine. But you don't know the first thing about my world, and I don't need your preaching.
[ he judges himself enough. it's a cheat, telling edgeworth he's not allowed, but he doesn't care. not right now. because he's not talking about his universe - he's talking about his world, the supernatural and the dark, and it has its own set of rules. if he tries to live by the ones he used to believe in, he can't even justify living. ]
[ it was a rhetorical question is what he wants to say, but even if it's true it sounds entirely petty. so he shelves it, just gives edgeworth a slightly disbelieving look.
he may not think he's preaching; maybe he's not. this is probably more about josh's skewed perspective than anything, and the fact is edgeworth is still here, even if he can't bear to look at him. ]
[ it's surreal to just be talking this out. he'd really rather not, actually. but edgeworth's insistence is enough to keep him talking, and he's starting to sound more tired than anything else. ]
I killed Ray to protect Nora. [ a pause, slightly less confident: ] But I was going to kill him before it came to that.
[ this shouldn't really be an issue anymore, because it's not like the cure stuck. but it's still something he hates, and the answer sounds a bit forced. ]
No. It didn't. It cured me, but it didn't... trickle down.
[ which sounds stupid, and he's judging himself slightly for describing it that way, even if it's accurate. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wow screw u edgey
but this was edgeworth's idea, and he's the one who wants clarification. it's strange how much this suddenly feels like a trial; on the other hand, edgeworth's a friend. he wouldn't hesitate to tell him his life story if it'd come about some other way, but doing so now seems like some kind of loss, like a very literal confession of guilt instead of a confession of trust between friends.
so he doesn't start at the beginning. he doesn't start at all, actually. it might be a mistake to give hard details and backpedal from there, because that means excuses instead of explaining how he got from point a to point b. but he'd rather only give what he has to, so- ]
What do you want to know?
GOD SORRY in this thread: reasons Edgeworth has no friends
That's difficult to say. You weren't precisely forthcoming with the details; I'm not even wholly sure what it is I'm supposed to be asking.
[But, after a moment, he cuts to the brutal quick:]
Have you ever killed someone?
edgeworth pls
Yes.
[ he's not elaborating, but he's not flinching away from it. this is probably better in small doses, anyway. which means he pauses a second, lets that sink in, then preempts the next question. his voice is less sure on this one, more ashamed; weirdly incredulous, maybe. ]
Several.
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But after that moment, he speaks - eyes still closed, but voice low.]
Who.
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A werewolf named Douglas.
[ it was the wolf, but it was still him, his weight to carry. he says it slowly, gives each one time to settle before moving on to the next. ]
A young man named Stevie, more vampires than I've bothered to count. [ stevie was a zombie and asked to be killed, of course, but it didn't do anything to lessen the guilt of that visceral memory. ]
And the werewolf who turned me.
Josh he has seen you going to lilith fair he knows already
But that he didn't start with that -
There's just a moment when Edgeworth is meeting Josh's eyes. Then he looks away again, trying to keep that neutrality in his face. The next question is a natural one, even if that had come close to derailing him.]
Why.
wow rude also congrats angry italics/meltdown
but that's not him. it's something else, something that's been living under his skin since that day they confronted the witch, and he tries to ignore it. ]
Because I had to. Because a bunch of vampires threw us in a cage together on the full moon, and if I hadn't he would've torn me apart. Because I made a deal with a witch and brought Stevie back, and he was hurting people and it was my responsibility to stop it.
[ ignoring it doesn't work, obviously, and what starts out as a confident assertion that he's in the right spirals into something more bitter, more defensive. ]
And because Ray was going to kill my wife, and because he made me into this- [ he's moved away from the bureau now, and as soon as he realizes he's lost his composure he catches himself, freezes up. the next part is slightly quieter, but it's somehow sharper. ]
Because even if people are naturally good, monsters aren't. Some of them deserve to be put down.
I measure my successes in the number of <s and >s you end up having to use, actually
Monsters aren't. Some of them deserve to be -
Isn't that how he lives with himself? Not monsters, but criminals. His responsibility is to see that through. His responsibility is - will be, when he finally sets foot in court - to see them to their deaths. The only difference will be that he'll be acting through the aegis of the state -
But that's all the difference. If you don't act through the aegis of the state, then you're a murderer.
Right?
God, he can't stop thinking about the dead people. The dead pirates. He's supposed to be happy that they're dead. He's -
He's still fighting to think through that; his next statement is listless, automatic, a statement that he doesn't even have to think through so many times has he said it.]
Self-defense isn't murder, and nor is using force in defense of another so long as it is not excessive.
sighs loudly
he doesn't say any of that, of course, because that's too much. it's none of edgeworth's business. ]
What does your court say about destroying peoples' lives?
[ the anger isn't gone, but it's softer now, turned inwards instead. but the bitterness is there, and that's for edgeworth and his stupid, rigid morals. ]
There are people who are dead because of me. Because of my choices, because of what I am. I turned my own wife into an animal; into a killer.
[ he should probably stop there; he doesn't, of course. he's fed up with all of this talk of right and wrong and the law as if it actually matters. ]
How about disposing of the corpse of a pureblood werewolf? Or hey, I know, resurrecting your best friend. What's the legal procedure for that?
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The court has never been confronted by something like that before, and as such it has not had to come up with an answer to...either of those questions. If it were so confronted, it would adapt.
wow gj
but he just cut himself open in front of edgeworth, and he's getting politics back. there's a moment where it almost tips the wrong way; the anger's an itch at the back of his neck, except it's more than that. it's the wolf, and it's got its own system, its own code; one of pack and family and doing whatever it takes. there's a quick flash of rage in his expression, carefully held in check as he clenches his jaw and forces himself to step back - because he has to do something, and if it's not moving back it's moving forward, and that won't end well.
he doesn't say anything for a moment, just fixes edgeworth with a cold stare; but then he's opening the door and stepping aside, and if the message wasn't clear enough: ]
You should go.
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I - would prefer not to.
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he doesn't lean back against the wall again, just crosses his arms over his chest and closes his eyes for a second to regain some kind of balance. when he finally looks back at edgeworth, he doesn't look any less pissed off - but he's keeping it in check, so there's that. ]
Fine. But you don't know the first thing about my world, and I don't need your preaching.
[ he judges himself enough. it's a cheat, telling edgeworth he's not allowed, but he doesn't care. not right now. because he's not talking about his universe - he's talking about his world, the supernatural and the dark, and it has its own set of rules. if he tries to live by the ones he used to believe in, he can't even justify living. ]
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[He looks off to the side again, though, and pushes a hand uncomfortably through his hair. And, quietly:]
Did you have any alternative to these killings?
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he may not think he's preaching; maybe he's not. this is probably more about josh's skewed perspective than anything, and the fact is edgeworth is still here, even if he can't bear to look at him. ]
There's always an alternative.
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An alternative aside from watching someone die.
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[ it's surreal to just be talking this out. he'd really rather not, actually. but edgeworth's insistence is enough to keep him talking, and he's starting to sound more tired than anything else. ]
I killed Ray to protect Nora. [ a pause, slightly less confident: ] But I was going to kill him before it came to that.
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[ it's quick, but it's not purely defensive. he means it. ]
To break the curse. I thought it would cure her.
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Would it have?
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No. It didn't. It cured me, but it didn't... trickle down.
[ which sounds stupid, and he's judging himself slightly for describing it that way, even if it's accurate. ]
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Then you are no longer an individual with werewolfism?
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I wasn't. For almost two years.
[ he could leave it there, let edgeworth get the hint, but he's been doing enough of that. ]
I got... scratched, again. By a different wolf.
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[That could sound like a judgmental question, or an accusatory one. But he asks it quietly, without any intonation.]
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[ that coldness is back, but it's not directed at edgeworth. ]
He's dead.
[ not by josh's hands, but not for lack of trying, so it's semantics at this point. ]
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sorry edgeworth
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