[ the only one she can talk to. there's some guilt in that, because she's not necessarily the only one he can talk to - though he tends to talk out of necessity, and the other wolves were the most logical choice for that.
but now he knows, and he feels like an ass, and he needs to fix it. he's about to say something else that's apologetic (and mean it), but she speaks again before he gets the chance. ]
Yes. It's called a curse for a reason, right?
[ there's an attempt at humor there, but he's clearly not amused. ]
[ her concern earns a sympathetic smile, but this isn't really new territory for him; most of the shifters he's met on the ship didn't have it very rough on the transformation front.
her question isn't one he's heard before, though, and he's caught slightly off-guard, but the answer is easy. ]
Nora. My wife. And- a few others.
[ not all intentional, not all good memories, but it does give him a second's pause. ]
Purebreds seem to have it easier. Or it hurts and they like it anyway, they're kind of... intense.
[ he's slightly disturbed by the thought, and it's obvious in his expression and careful wording. it seems a bit more diplomatic than calling them creepy and insane. but daphne's fretting, and she definitely doesn't owe him that after the crap he pulled. ]
[She looks doubtful. It's never hurt her. The shift just happens. The only time pain was involved was once, when she shifted out of that box ready to kill, but that wasn't the pain of the shift, not really.
But she won't press it. She comes a little closer - not close enough to be "in" his space, but close enough that she can get used to the smell of him, now.]
Maybe it will get easier for you, too.
[Maybe, maybe, maybe. If you don't fight it, she thinks, except she won't say it. Not when that might actually be something sensitive.]
[ she doesn't say it, but it crosses his mind; it has before. the way the purebreds preferred being the wolf, acted like it wasn't half as awful; it might be related.
which means a spike of nervous energy that he skips over, arms crossing over his chest in an anxious gesture to hide it. ]
Yeah. Yeah, that could be it. But it's - it's kind of a process.
[ bones, stomach acid, things that he'd be happier to have not studied or gotten evidence of despite the desire to make medical sense of some of it. speaking of which. ]
[She resists offering healing the cuts she gave him on his chest - they're small, but she feels a little bad....but it might be embarrassing for him, to have her tongue on his chest.
And right now she's trying to mend this, not make it more awkward.]
I accept the shift. It's part of who I am.
[There's a moment, a pause. She's never seen this as a curse. It would be unbearable if she did. Her curse is opposite, it seems - the ease of the shift, the uncontrollable aspects of it: ears, eyes, tail, claws. That's the Bastet problem, is letting both natures simply flow, one from the other.]
[ how to say 'that sounds like an awful idea' without sounding ungrateful. ]
It's dangerous. Not that I don't think you can take care of yourself, clearly you can, but - I'm pretty sure the wolf would try to bite your head off. Unless you're talking meditation and accepting the wolf, which is a really nice idea, but - well, then the wolf just tries to bite my head off.
[ seriously, it's this whole dreamscape thing. his wolf is a dick. ]
[She takes a moment, she's about to ask - do you really think of yourself as separate from the wolf - but he wasn't born this way so she doesn't, that's another conversation. Time to stow this one.]
[She gives him a look. It's the kind of appraising look that a woman might give a man who she's considering sleeping with, except in this case it's less "I want to sleep with you" and more "I refuse to let some no-name pussy alpha wolf get in my way," and Josh is the prize.
It's a very cat look.]
You're not a member of his pack, are you?
[Because there's etiquette and fuck it she'll break it if you are.]
[ jesus christ. except he's totally seen that look, if a slightly more wolfy variety, and usually from nora and usually in more intimate circumstances, but-
not really appropriate associations, very much not the time. ]
I'm not... sure.
[ he honestly isn't. still, not the most convincing of answers. ]
Yes, I am very, very aware of that fact. Thanks for pointing it out so eloquently, though.
But he's a wolf. He's...
[ oh god is he going to say this ]
And this kills me to admit, trust me, because I'd genuinely rather cut my own face off than say this, but he's actually better at the werewolf thing than I am at the moment. I need his help.
Well, I'll play by those rules for the teenagers because they're kids.
[She already asked, regarding Boyd, and kind of, regarding Stiles]
It's good to know you're keeping some independence. But really, what I wanted to ask - are all the wolves here kids? I mean, except for you. And that one guy. Peter.
[ that gets a pause, because he doesn't actually know about peter. it's not a name that's come up before, and he wants to ask more, but - now's not the time to dig, at least not with daphne. ]
I don't know. There are a lot of kids, which is - so phenomenally messed up I can't even begin to explain it to you. They're... easily influenced.
[ he's not talking about any young wolves on the ship when he says it, and it almost trips him up for a second, mind wandering before he gets back on track. ]
They think they understand the consequences. Of what they are, of the world it puts them in, but - I don't think they know the half of it.
[ he relaxes quickly when she moves on, although there's a strange tension in the next line that's entirely unrelated. ]
Hey, you're preaching to the choir.
[ because he hates being a wolf, he hates the idea of packs, of anything that takes away his humanity or control. or at least the thinks he does - he's not entirely sure anymore. ]
And thank you.
[ it's sincere. thanks for her offer of help, thanks for what he thinks might be forgiveness after he'd lied to her about what he was. ]
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but now he knows, and he feels like an ass, and he needs to fix it. he's about to say something else that's apologetic (and mean it), but she speaks again before he gets the chance. ]
Yes. It's called a curse for a reason, right?
[ there's an attempt at humor there, but he's clearly not amused. ]
Guessing that's a no for you.
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It shouldn't hurt, Josh.
[She grips onto the tree.]
None of the garou I know have ever said anything about pain. It's not...
[A curse. Well, clearly, it is, for him. She begins to make her way down, now that she's calm again, now that he seems calm too.]
Has anyone ever gone through a shift with you?
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her question isn't one he's heard before, though, and he's caught slightly off-guard, but the answer is easy. ]
Nora. My wife. And- a few others.
[ not all intentional, not all good memories, but it does give him a second's pause. ]
Purebreds seem to have it easier. Or it hurts and they like it anyway, they're kind of... intense.
[ he's slightly disturbed by the thought, and it's obvious in his expression and careful wording. it seems a bit more diplomatic than calling them creepy and insane. but daphne's fretting, and she definitely doesn't owe him that after the crap he pulled. ]
Seriously, it's fine. You get used to it.
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But she won't press it. She comes a little closer - not close enough to be "in" his space, but close enough that she can get used to the smell of him, now.]
Maybe it will get easier for you, too.
[Maybe, maybe, maybe. If you don't fight it, she thinks, except she won't say it. Not when that might actually be something sensitive.]
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which means a spike of nervous energy that he skips over, arms crossing over his chest in an anxious gesture to hide it. ]
Yeah. Yeah, that could be it. But it's - it's kind of a process.
[ bones, stomach acid, things that he'd be happier to have not studied or gotten evidence of despite the desire to make medical sense of some of it. speaking of which. ]
How does it not hurt when you do it?
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And right now she's trying to mend this, not make it more awkward.]
I accept the shift. It's part of who I am.
[There's a moment, a pause. She's never seen this as a curse. It would be unbearable if she did. Her curse is opposite, it seems - the ease of the shift, the uncontrollable aspects of it: ears, eyes, tail, claws. That's the Bastet problem, is letting both natures simply flow, one from the other.]
Do you want help?
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Help with... help with what, the shift?
[ it wasn't an unheard of concept. even pete had implied you could make it a bit easier, but he'd likened it to a heart attack anyway. ]
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[She says it like, duh, of course that's what I mean. Isn't that obvious?
Although if she's honest, she doesn't know how much help she can give.]
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[ how to say 'that sounds like an awful idea' without sounding ungrateful. ]
It's dangerous. Not that I don't think you can take care of yourself, clearly you can, but - I'm pretty sure the wolf would try to bite your head off. Unless you're talking meditation and accepting the wolf, which is a really nice idea, but - well, then the wolf just tries to bite my head off.
[ seriously, it's this whole dreamscape thing. his wolf is a dick. ]
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I met Derek Hale.
I assume you have, too.
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Yes, I have. Why?
[ it's almost hesitant, as he's not entirely sure where this is going - or he has an idea, and he'd rather not go there. ]
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It's a very cat look.]
You're not a member of his pack, are you?
[Because there's etiquette and fuck it she'll break it if you are.]
help i'm laughing
not really appropriate associations, very much not the time. ]
I'm not... sure.
[ he honestly isn't. still, not the most convincing of answers. ]
Yes good
You know he has the social skills of a mentally disabled sea slug, right?
[Her conversation with him was exactly ten minutes of her day but man did that guy need some serious etiquette lessons]
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Yes, I am very, very aware of that fact. Thanks for pointing it out so eloquently, though.
But he's a wolf. He's...
[ oh god is he going to say this ]
And this kills me to admit, trust me, because I'd genuinely rather cut my own face off than say this, but he's actually better at the werewolf thing than I am at the moment. I need his help.
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Okay, Josh.]
I'm not asking him for permission to talk to you.
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What? Sorry - why would you need to do that?
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[Maybe that is a little bit too much opinion. Sorry, Josh.]
And there's etiquette. And I hate it, but I follow it because I don't want to make a scene.
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I'm pretty sure Derek doesn't play by those rules. And even if he does, I don't.
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[She already asked, regarding Boyd, and kind of, regarding Stiles]
It's good to know you're keeping some independence. But really, what I wanted to ask - are all the wolves here kids? I mean, except for you. And that one guy. Peter.
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I don't know. There are a lot of kids, which is - so phenomenally messed up I can't even begin to explain it to you. They're... easily influenced.
[ he's not talking about any young wolves on the ship when he says it, and it almost trips him up for a second, mind wandering before he gets back on track. ]
They think they understand the consequences. Of what they are, of the world it puts them in, but - I don't think they know the half of it.
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Wait.
No seriously, wait.
She had thought that they were born but no, no, that's not how it works and she has to rework how she thinks because-]
Did he bite them?
He bit them?
Those kids?
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What? Shit- no. I mean I don't know, I'm not from where they're from, I'm just assuming because that's how it works where I'm from.
[ it's a lie, because he knows perfectly well that they were all bitten, but this doesn't feel like the kind of revelation he should be sharing. ]
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Anyway. If he starts to get all pissy territorial on you, you can come to me, okay?
[She's not sure if she means her room. That would be a deeply personal thing. But to her, anyway.]
If you don't want to be part of a pack, you don't have to be. I don't care how wolves usually work.
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Hey, you're preaching to the choir.
[ because he hates being a wolf, he hates the idea of packs, of anything that takes away his humanity or control. or at least the thinks he does - he's not entirely sure anymore. ]
And thank you.
[ it's sincere. thanks for her offer of help, thanks for what he thinks might be forgiveness after he'd lied to her about what he was. ]
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